Isn't it pretty odd that there's this feeling inside of my bare soul that I don't wanna get hurt but I still want to feel more pain?
I don't want to get hurt because,
It diverges my entire mood, my heart feels like its literally crashing into fragments scattered around the floor, my world will suddenly fall down that sometimes I wanna end my troublesome life; I always put myself into some more misery, My mind is compiling a lot of pessimistic thoughts and I every time it crosses in my mind, I absorb the pain, the water in my eyes would fill in and fall down as tears, I will automatically listen to a lot of emotional songs to bear on the way I feel thinking like it's mandatory, its basically my way on how will I find someone would understand and fill in this empty space beside me without explaining it to anybody, Its actually hard if you have a lot of unpleasant thoughts filled in your mind with these bruises and scars surrounded in your heart.
And why I want to feel more pain?
It's because sometimes when I get used to being hurt, I feel like I'm in a dire need of having a massive amount of pain to abide because thinking of much more than the current pain that i'm having feels like there is a huge lesson to be learned. it sounds utterly emo isn't it. Well I don't know, maybe it's because there are times that I wanna be alone and Think hard about things around me, but most of the time I wanna feel the pain again for me to realize that I should I cease being an irrational fool cause i'm a gullible person you know and I want to be taught by the pain that I'm having, Cause as they say pain changes people but I know I'll change in a better way.
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