Fading Friend?

Well this year is a big change for us, cause were now taking another path in our life. Choosing the right career and entering college. So as everyday goes by, We talk and sometimes see each other maybe thrice a month or so, and i still remember the time when we rode a Quiapo/ Lawton bus on our way to school,  she posted an Instagram Picture on her phone with me and we talked and talked about our experiences in our college life.

 These past few months, It started August maybe, She tweeted me that she would tell me something important and I said "what is it" and she told me "Nevermind I wouldn't force you if you don't like to" and I said "Why nevermind?" and after that she didn't respond. Those are not the exact words though but I don't know if she was offended by the way I deliver my tweet. I just don't know if I hurt her feelings that time or maybe she just changed? Because now she's in a big dance group at her school, (Lol I don't wanna put negative things on my mind now. Its just seems so full of it. It's really hard to be a pessimist ;)) Okay enough of my stupid dramas and back to the story :))) so after that there was a time that she tweeted something about a party on their house and I replied hey can we come but she didn't tweeted back... At first I felt why she didn't replied? Maybe she was just busy or maybe she didn't saw my tweet so I just let it be.

Then at the month of September my birthmonth she didn't even greet me though she was online all the freakin time, She didn't care to tweet, chat or post on my Timeline just to greet me, Even a simple effortless "HBD" would work. I waited til the end of the day and i received nothing from my Inbox, Convo, Mentions and etc NOTHIIIIING. I've noticed every time I try talk to her It just not the same anymore, I tweeted, chat, text and even post on her timeline but all i get is short replies or even sometimes no reply,

just like this:

Me: Hi! How are you >:D<
Her: Fine. You?
Me: Im Great :) long time no talk :)
Her: Ikr
Me: I miss you :)
Her: Me either.

Three hours ago she PM'ed me If I could like a picture for her sister joining a contest on Facebook, and  i said "i already liked that" and I tried to talk to her, tried to ask her how's her life now and just like i expected all i get is short replies. Well i know every time we chat we just chat a little but It seems like there's something different i feel like every time i approach her i feel like i'm annoying her cause her answers are like an emotionless robot and putting a forced "Haha" or smiley something. And I felt you'll just PM me cause you need something.

Ugh, I don't know if it's just me or her? :'(  Is she changing because of she's now a part of a big dance group and she has a lot of  friends now? Maybe she's just busy with school works & dancing cause her school is offering a trimester education? Or may be she just forgot that I was a part of her childhood life and her best friend? Sometimes I stop and think maybe she didn't considered me as a best friend just a childhood friend maybe, Is it just my pessimistic mind? or  Maybe im just being over reacting cause im missing the good old times we spent?

Well I just hope that she's not changing :) For me she's important. Every person i became friends with is valuable if im a lose for her, for me she isn't :)  Anyways I'm planning to talk to her and ask her If she want to complete the "SIMBANG GABI" with me and our friends this Christmas I hope she come with us :)

Irony of my pain.

Isn't it pretty odd that there's this feeling inside of my bare soul that I don't wanna get hurt but I still want to feel more pain? 


I don't want to get hurt because,
It diverges my entire mood, my heart feels like its literally crashing into fragments scattered around the floor, my world will suddenly fall down that sometimes I wanna end my troublesome life; I always put myself into some more misery, My mind is compiling a lot of pessimistic thoughts and I every time it crosses in my mind, I absorb the pain, the water in my eyes would fill in and fall down as tears, I will automatically listen to a lot of emotional songs to bear on the way I feel thinking like it's mandatory, its basically  my way on how will I find someone would understand and fill in this empty space beside me without explaining it to anybody, Its actually hard if you have a lot of unpleasant thoughts filled in your mind with these bruises and scars surrounded in your heart.


And why I want to feel more pain?
It's because sometimes when I get used to being hurt, I  feel like I'm in a dire need of having a massive amount of pain to abide because thinking of much more than the current pain that i'm having feels like there is a huge lesson to be learned. it sounds utterly emo isn't it. Well I don't know, maybe it's because there are times that I wanna be alone and Think hard about things around me, but most of the time I wanna feel the pain again for me to realize that I should I cease being an irrational fool cause i'm a gullible person you know and I want to be taught by the pain that I'm having, Cause as they say pain changes people but I know I'll change in a better way.